Marissa At Home

Website Is Up!

2010-03-30T18:44:00.001-05:00

Please go to www.paintingsbymarissa.com to see Marissa's new website (you can click on the link at the right).

New Blog

2010-02-08T09:19:00.005-06:00

This blog will be changing over to a website in the near future (so please come back to check it out) to showcase Marissa's designs and paintings. We're trying to get the website up before Marissa is in the spring issue of "Shawnee Magazine" later this month. The address will be www.paintingsbymarissa.com - please check it out toward the end of this month.

Also, the Shawnee Magazine issue with Marissa's article should be out next week in hard cover, but...is now available online! So if you go to www.sunflowerpub.com/magazines you can click on the Shawnee Magazine icon and turn to page 28 to see our little artist.

So, for those who actually like to see pictures of Marissa and our family just being a family...we have a new blog at www.lifefullofsparkles.blogspot.com. Please check it out and PLEASE join us as followers! I know a lot of people don't like to follow blogs, but if we see we have people following, we'll keep writing. So, if you're one of our followers, or someone who follows, but has never signed up, please do!!

Right now Marissa has a few paintings at "The Great Frame Up." Marissa will have an exhibit at "Hook Gallery" in Westport coming up this June (as soon as we know the opening night date, we'll post it to the new website). Marissa will also have a showing at "Homer's Coffee Shop" in August. We've also had interest from a couple of other galleries in The Crossroad's area, so keep checking back to this blog for the link to Marissa's new website and to see new paintings! As long as Marissa loves to paint and the doors for opportunity keep opening, we'll keep walking through...

The Latest

2010-01-31T17:01:00.004-06:00

Marissa and I had fun in school last Friday. At the end of our session, we scheduled a new art project. Marissa picked a photo from a selection I'd pulled from a travel magazine and we pinned the photo up next to a blank canvas on her easel. Marissa painted the scene - a triple waterfall in Hawaii. Although the photo we took of her painting doesn't show as well as it looks, we think you can tell she did a fantastic job! She had so much fun, too, as she discovered she could paint from a photo. I told her next we'll go to the lake in the spring and she can paint from the shore. She's ready and excited!
Oh, one more thing...she also was great at using her creativity in the painting. Marissa added the pool of water at the end of the waterfalls, and she also added the flowering plants. Great eye!

In A Bird Mood

2010-01-17T20:14:00.003-06:00

Marissa's latest work.

Yeah, we love her...Everything about her!

2010-01-14T19:29:00.005-06:00

Marissa's Latest

2010-01-12T19:54:00.011-06:00

We love Marissa's newest paintings...especially the last three posted (fish, flower field, and bonsai tree). We hope you enjoy them, too.

Paintings by Marissa...again

2009-12-29T15:07:00.022-06:00

We've had so much interest in Marissa's pictures that I wanted to repost some of them for the people who look for them daily, so they don't have to scroll to find them. Our little painter has had to take some time off for the holidays and because her Nana had been very sick in the hospital and rehab center, but Marissa has been begging to paint again, so she'll be back in her "studio" soon to create more masterpieces!

A Really Long Time Ago

2009-12-27T19:52:00.001-06:00

The other night we were doing our nightly Bible reading and Marissa was very thoughtful. After a pause she stated that Jesus must have made the world a really, really, really long time ago...like in the fifties. We cracked up. Okay, yes, the fifties were even before our time, but they really weren't that long ago. How she came up with that decade eludes us, but she did and she knows that it was a "really long time ago."

Merry Christmas to all!

2009-12-25T18:16:00.000-06:00

Marissa's Disney Photos

2009-12-20T09:08:00.014-06:00

Every so often I post pictures Marissa takes. Even though she decided not to take her camera, she still confiscated ours at times and took several photos. Here are a few...and you can see she got a little silly and mischevious at times.

Even Better With A Friend

2009-12-20T08:50:00.016-06:00

Disneyworld is so fun...but even better with a friend! We joined Emily, one of the girls adopted at the same time as Marissa (her parents were in our travel group) at Disneyworld for a mini reunion. The girls are just one week apart in age and had fun together as they went from activity and rides and shows. I told Emily's mother that Emily had no idea what a joy it was for me to just sit with her. When you adopt with others, it's as if you all gave birth together. Even when you don't see the girls often, you have a special love for them and when you are together again, you just rejoice in that while you can. I loved seeing Emily again (hadn't seen her since she was nine months old) and I truly look so forward to seeing her again in the future!

Another Magical Day

2009-12-16T20:34:00.010-06:00

Marissa also liked meeting the princesses, even though they are not nearly as high on her list as the fairies right now. As you can see below, I included a picture of Marissa and Mama in the princess photos because she always tells me I'm a princess! Marie the kitty is also included because she just looks like she'd be a princess. I also love the photo of Marissa with Mulan.

Bibbity Bobbity Boutique

2009-12-14T13:28:00.009-06:00

Every little girl who goes to Disneyworld (if they love princesses and fairies) needs to go to the Bibbity Bobbity Boutique. The BBB is an extra special salon for little girls to get pampered and feel like a true princess. Even the tiniest girls I saw there (you have to be at least three) were in awe and truly loved being pampered and loved thinking they looked like a real princess. It was magical to see their faces transform when they looked in the mirror and saw how beautiful they looked. I watched and kept thinking how much God thinks each of us is beautiful because we look exactly as He intended when He created us. Each little girl in the BBB believed it too, when they saw themselves after their "makeovers."

More Magical Memories

2009-12-13T10:36:00.009-06:00

Pixie Hollow was one of our first stops on the very first day! Remember, Marissa's birthday party was "fairy" themed...she REALLY wanted to see Pixie Hollow and all of the fairies...but especially Silvermist. To our surprise Silvermist greeted her first! Talk about excited! Marissa's day was already made! We could have gone home after that and our little fairy would have been completely satisfied!

Magical Memories

2009-12-12T20:45:00.007-06:00

We left this cold winter freezer for sunny and warm Orlando, Florida. We weren't disappointed! Just like last year, Marissa LOVED the weather and wanted to move to the Sunshine State.
As much as she loves fairies and princesses, Disney World was calling her name. We listened and answered. Here are some of the memories.

Happy Thanksgiving 2009!!

2009-11-26T17:30:00.001-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving from our house to yours!!

Paintings by Marissa

2009-11-13T19:50:00.015-06:00

"Falling Petals"
"Butterflies Eating Lunch"
"Butterfly Looking At Waterfall"
"Eating Nectar"
"Butterfly Finding Its Way"
"Beautiful Waterfall"
"A Flower Starting To Bloom"
"High Hills"
"A Bird Looking At His Nest"
"A Bird Cheeping Its Way"
"Bird Looking at Flowers"

On the last blog I shared that Marissa sold her first painting. Marissa's love of painting and dancing are just part of how she was made...she absolutely adores both activities. We never thought to sell the paintings she creates. But, she paints such beautiful canvas creations that people began asking us to buy them. So, Paintings by Marissa was created...and the money will go straight into her bank account, whether she sells one, two, or two hundred. I will post just some of the works of art our little painter has created recently (there are many more), and by the way, she gives the title to each painting (some of them crack me up). For someone her age, we think she has talent. What she does with it is up to her! We'll encourage her in whatever ways we can. Selling her first painting shows her that others (besides her parents) find worth in her creations.

Introducing "Paintings by Marissa"

2009-11-10T19:54:00.002-06:00

It's official!
Marissa has sold her first painting.
"Bird Looking At Flowers" is SOLD.

Gospel Girl

2009-11-09T08:33:00.007-06:00

Marissa attends (and loves) the Awana Club at church every Sunday night. Basically, for those who do not know, Awana is a club for boys and girls to learn and share the word of God, and to learn about Jesus.
Last night was Super Hero night. The kids were supposed to dress up in costume, and I really wanted
Marissa to honor God, but still have some good old-fashioned fun...so, we thought about what she should wear...and came up with Gospel Girl!
Marissa had a blast and the costume was so fast and easy to make! I'll bet she will still fit into it for next year, too!

Dancing Again

2009-11-05T18:43:00.003-06:00

Yes, that's my girl. Usually dancing or painting...

Happy Halloween!!

2009-10-31T21:11:00.009-05:00

Two cute little trick-or-treaters ran around our house and neighborhood tonight...that's right...Marissa and Brayden - or should I say Mulan and Super(baby)Man.

Such Joy!

2009-10-12T20:03:00.007-05:00

Marissa gives me such joy! Just take a look at this costume. Tonight we were playing dolls and Marissa wanted to have a dance recital for them. So, she put on an old hand-me-down costume from a friend, (and it was probably a hand-me-down from several other people) that has a permanently "up" tutu, over her pants! There is nothing I can do to move this tutu down and it cracks me up to see it worn with such seriousness by my little dancer. It's not the make fun of her kind of crack up though, because she fills me with such joy and it is so fun to watch her dance and see her mind work. When you hear us talking in the background of the video it is really "the dolls" talking as they watch her recital. Wonder if they think it looks like some kind of tribal dance...

Through Marissa's Eyes

2009-10-04T19:15:00.009-05:00

Quite some time ago, I made a post with some photos Marissa had taken. It is always fun to look at her pictures to see how her mind works. Some of the photos just crack me up. These are not even the best ones. They're still on her camera. These were taken on mine. I also included one of Marissa in her paint shirt - about to begin painting a Chinese landscape - another of her favorite creative projects!
One thing I find so funny is that even the dogs are used to her running around snapping pictures. They aren't fazed at all when she points it at them anymore.

She's 5!!!!!

2009-09-26T19:26:00.011-05:00

No more four-and-a-half. Marissa's 5!
How did this day come so quickly? Way too quickly.
This child who has so completely captured my love, who was born to be my daughter - is growing up way too fast.
Maybe because I know she's the last, maybe because I've done this before and know how precious each moment is...I just think the time is passing way too fast and I can't slow it down. But I can be so grateful for the years while we are living them. And I am. I really, really am.

Marissa planned this year's party. I went with everything suggested, but put my foot down when our guest list topped 20. Fourteen girls actually came to Marissa's fairy themed party and they were so adorable when they started arriving in costume. Marissa was a perfect hostess as she greeted everything with a smile and/or hug and "Welcome to Pixie Hollow!"

We played games, made several crafts, ate cheeseburgers and chips, cupcakes and ice cream, and jumped in a bouncy house. Our original plan was to create a Pixie Hollow in the backyard, but since it rained the night before, we decided to keep the party inside and move the bouncy house to the driveway instead. Everything was fine, and the girls were so well-behaved. A party of 15 girls is SO much easier than a party of even 5 boys!

Let's savor 5 for a while! I'm just not ready for 6 to turn the corner...not yet.

Marissa's Baptism

2009-09-20T18:31:00.004-05:00

What a significant and exciting day we had today! Marissa was baptized!!!
Marissa has been asking questions about Jesus since she was 2 years old. She accepted Jesus as her Savior on June 4, 2009. She has been relentless in stating that she now needed to be baptized. So today was the day.
The Bible says that the angels in Heaven rejoice when someone accepts Jesus as Savior. Do others in Heaven also get to see? I don't know. But if they do, I know Jaime was rejoicing. Mommy and Daddy were, too.
The faith of a child is so pure and inspiring. We love Marissa so very much and to see her make this adult-sized decision at such a young age is precious and pure and such a big responsibility to us as her parents. Our little one is growing up, moment by moment, day by day. We are so thankful to be a part of what God has in store for her.

First Kids Choir Performance

2009-09-06T20:55:00.003-05:00

Tiny Dancer

2009-09-03T20:24:00.005-05:00

Our little dancer loves making up new dances...one right after the other. I won't make everyone watch all of them, but hope you like her interpretation in one. Of course, we admit again to being biased, but we think she has a talent for dance and creative interpretation for just being a four-and-a-half year old!
I also like the way Marissa continues to dance through distractions going on around her...her dog, Misty and Brayden just hang out, too. Everyone's used to her dancing all the time.

Pure Patriotic "Cuteness"

2009-08-26T09:39:00.005-05:00

This defines pure, patriotic cuteness! But don't take my word for it...I'm a little biased.

Thank you, Lori!

2009-08-25T11:26:00.002-05:00

Lori, an old friend from Jr. High did a little detective work for us and found that our butterfly is really a Polyphemus moth! It was just too pretty for us to even consider that it was a lowly moth! Thanks, Lori for setting us straight!

HELP!

2009-08-24T21:33:00.004-05:00

Help! We need someone to tell us what type of butterfly is pictured. Isn't it beautiful?!
The wings have the gorgeous spot pattern to scare away predators and a soft pink color that stripes up the back of the wings. So pretty.
The body on this particular butterfly is really big. I don't know if it is supposed to be that way or if the butterfly is bloated (too many leaves - I don't know) :).
Actually, we're wondering if it is sick or what. It is just hanging out in the street in front of our house. We moved it with a leaf as far as we could. We tried to get it to the grass, but the farthest we could move it was the curb - just beyond the grass.
At first we thought the butterfly was dead, but then when we tried to move her, she opened her wings. Most of the time she sits with her wings pulled closed above her fat little body.
So, please. Help us ID this beautiful butterfly. We're so curious. We looked on-line, but couldn't find anything to match.
Help!

Back To (Home)School

2009-08-23T18:13:00.003-05:00

Well, we started "back to school" last week!! We've been doing homeschool pre-school for about a year and a half, so we decided to continue this year. Although Marissa is only four-and-a-half, she is ready to start the Kindergarten curriculum, so we chose My Father's World (with several supplements) and began! I love it!! I know my little social butterfly would be happy in a public school, but she is also happy at home. Many people ask if Marissa has extra-curricular activities to develop social skills and the answer is a huge YES! She does Kids Choir, dance, did T-Ball, gymnastics, Chinese, Awana Sparks, and other activities, so I think we've got the social bases covered!
I remember Jaime's first day of Kindergarten so clearly. She was dressed in a purple flowered pinafore dress and lacy socks and black buckle shoes. Her little hair barrettes matched her dress and had thin, purple ribbons streaming down. Her hair was curled and she looked adorable. I remember holding her little hand as we walked up the sidewalk to her classroom. In contrast, Marissa's first day of Kindergarten - well, just look at the photos and you'll see that she was dressed in very comfortable "stay-home" clothes and her hair, although it was brushed, was not fixed. I laughed as I took her pictures that morning and I thought of the differences between my kid's big days. Even Brandon looked better than Marissa did when he started school. Oh well, the clothes don't make the student, do they?

Special Print

2009-08-15T17:54:00.004-05:00

I've loved Sarah of Sarah Jane Studios artistic style for a while, and had already purchased a couple of her prints, but after we lost Jaime I wanted something unique that conveyed an aspect of the special relationship Marissa and Jaime shared. I think Sarah's custom print does it. She captured Jaime's beautiful, million-dollar smile. She perfectly shows the love Jaime had for Marissa; making it so evident in her eyes, just as it was each time I saw Jaime watch her little sister. Jaime was a performer and loved attention, yet when Marissa was around, Jaime was content to step aside and let her little sister shine.
Sarah also captured Marissa's grace and style, as well as her genuine love for dance. I love this print.
Sarah, thank you so much for this gift. For anyone who wants to check out Sarah's blog or studio, I'll post the web addresses. She's decided to make time to work on a couple of custom prints a month for people who want to order them. In the meantime I need to find out exactly how I want to frame my print and just where I want to hang it...
www.sarahjanestudios.com/blog
www.sarahjanestudios.com/shop

Church Block Party

2009-08-10T18:56:00.002-05:00

Wow!! What fun Marissa had at the block party our church held Sunday!!! There was face-painting, cotton candy, popcorn, hamburgers and hotdogs, and GAMES galore!! One of Marissa's highlights was running smack into a butterfly...not really, but the huge butterfly painted on the front of her face was a huge hit!

Taking The Jeep For A Spin

2009-07-31T19:07:00.005-05:00

Look who's been over a lot...and Marissa is even calling herself an aunt, now. Finally.
Brayden and Marissa have so much fun together!
It was fun watching them in the Barbie Jeep together. Glad it's a while before these two have a license to drive.

Family Day Dinner

2009-07-25T08:47:00.010-05:00

Each year on Family Day (our anniversary day to celebrate Marissa joining our family), we go out for a special dinner. This year we chose Fogo De Chao on the Plaza. What fun! We all ate way too much (they were able to prepare food mama could eat) and loved the atmosphere. You have chips (they look like cardboard coasters) that are red on one side and green on the other side. For the second course of the meal, you are supposed to turn the chips to the green side to show that you are ready for the servers to bring the meat. They made meats Mama could eat, by the way, and they keep bringing various meats (filet mignon, roast, pork tenderloin, rack of lamb, etc.) until you turn your card to red. If you decide you want more later, you just flip over to green again and they keep coming back with more meats.
Marissa entertained everyone, talked to other guests, and took many pictures. We had so many people stopping to tell us how beautiful she is...and of course, we agreed!
After dinner, we walked around the Plaza. Daddy was going to take us on a Cinderella Carriage Ride around the Plaza, but we didn't have enough cash on us. Oh well, we'll go back for that another day.
We are so thankful for Marissa. Each Family Day that passes brings joyful memories and the reminder to continue to deepen and build our love and relationships with each other daily. What a blessing our family is.
By the way, Happy Family Day to the other 12 families who traveled with us and also celebrated yesterday!! We always think of you on this day, too! Your girls and families are special to us. We hope to see you soon.

Happy Family Day!

2009-07-24T21:24:00.006-05:00

Four years ago today we received a precious gift...Marissa!
The baby picture shown was among the first pictures we ever received or saw of her (it was one of Marissa's referral photos). How she has changed!

Memories

2009-07-22T09:38:00.003-05:00

Four years ago today we left for China to bring home our youngest child.
These are pictures of Leizhou, China (Marissa's birth city), and the orphanage she lived in.

Little Chatter Box

2009-07-21T09:36:00.003-05:00

Last night after Marissa's bath was finished, she was asked if she would rather stay in the tub and play, or get out.
Little Miss Social responded with "How about I just stay in and talk?"
That about sums up her personality.
And it's exactly what she did.

Six Months

2009-07-19T19:27:00.004-05:00

Jaime, girl...it's been six months. Six months of surviving, No...living, even though you are no longer in this world.
My heart will always miss you. I have not gotten over losing you, but I am getting through it.
But I am a different person...I always will be.
But change isn't necessarily bad or wrong. It just is.
I pray I'm the woman God wants me to be after losing a piece of my body, my soul, my heart. For He is still God. I am still His.
But I miss you. I always will.
You'd love to see your sister, Jaime. She has grown and changed so much in the past six months. She would make you laugh and make you love her even more. You would be so proud of her...as she would be proud of you. For you always showed her such tenderness and love and respect. She is showing you that now with the memory box she is creating of you. For I won't let her forget the love she had for you and the fun memories you created together because I treasure the relationship you had, and that you will have again one day.
You would be proud of your brother and his family. Brandon's son, Brayden would make you laugh and show you how much your brother has matured since you played and schemed together as children. His wife, Dawn would be a treasure in your life, too. She wanted so much to get to know you well and for the two of you to be true sisters. What blessings you could have been to each other. You will be one day.
Your father and I were such inspirations in your life. You respected our relationship with each other. We are still strong and somehow the loss of you, our treasured daughter has only helped us mature in our love with each other and our Creator. You would be joyful in that. We are joyful in the supernatural comfort our Father gives, in the memories we have of you, and in your laughter and love that still reside with us...and always will.

We're Still Around

2009-07-16T19:31:00.004-05:00

We are still around! People have been worried about us not blogging, but we're fine and still around...just WAY too busy this summer. Hang in there with us, we'll be back to blogging soon! We promise.

Lunch With Daddy

2009-07-01T08:51:00.004-05:00

It's so nice to eat with Daddy when he comes home for lunch!

More T-Ball

2009-06-18T19:24:00.005-05:00

Care to guess what we've been doing a lot of? Marissa loves T-Ball.
Every day she asks when we get to go again.
Here are a few photos of our girl at a recent game.
Heads up!

Dragon Boat Festival

2009-06-15T10:03:00.010-05:00

We really enjoyed the Dragon Boat Festival on the Plaza over the weekend. Marissa's dance class was one of those asked to dance. Her class was second on the stage and danced the ever-popular bee dance. On the video of the dance, Marissa is the one who takes repeated bows. We also watched the dragon boats, excited by the colorful dragon heads and entranced by the rowers in-sync with the drummer seated at the front of the boat. Daddy purchased a new umbrella from China for Marissa, who actually LOVES umbrellas and parasols and uses them out in the sun to protect her skin, just as her ancestors in China most likely did. In her estimation, a girl can NEVER have too many umbrellas. There were many other dancers and performers, all talented, and we really enjoyed our time at the festival. There were also craft and food booths, and a time to see friends and enjoy the day.

Vacation Bible School,

2009-06-15T09:51:00.003-05:00

VBS...Vacation Bible School is over for another year. We had so much fun - and it was all jam-packed into one week! Just like every other year...we work hard for a week to get it ready, work hard during the week we're doing it...breathe a sigh of relief that the work is finished when VBS is over, then we miss it! Well, at least we know it's only a year away!

T-Ball

2009-06-07T19:56:00.006-05:00

I am so slow at posting right now as we have been getting ready for VBS (which starts tomorrow) and things, so please forgive me when you read posts that are in the past tense!!
Last week Marissa had her first T-Ball game!! She was so excited!!! That's why I am adding so many exclaimation points!!!! She (and all the girls) were so fun to watch. Marissa has never played the game before and had only been to one practice, so the first game was a really BIG deal.
In this league the girls get four pitches, then if they don't hit the ball they get four chances to hit it from the T. On her first at bat, Marissa didn't hit any pitches, but she hit from the T. On her second at bat, Marissa hit a ball from the pitcher!
We have to keep reminding her to drop the bat when she hits a ball. Then, run!! Run to first base. She is getting there... and the paths she runs are more zig-zags. They are definitely NOT straight lines.
The comments the girls make and the fascination with dirt just crack us up. Marissa has never been interested in dirt before. She says this dirt is "soft."
By the way, Marissa is now the proud owner of a hot pink bat, hot pink batting helmet, pink and white glove, a hot pink drink cup, and a black and pink equipment bag. The team shirt is hot pink and the name of the team is Pink Panthers.
Go, Pink Panthers!!

Be You

2009-05-28T20:42:00.004-05:00

I knelt to stare into my daughter's eyes inside the front of the beauty supply store. A few people walked around us, some oblivious, a couple curious as to what we were doing.
Sustaining self, gaining wisdom, securing a future, loving each other...
We had gone into the store to purchase a new nail polish color. After the trip to Indiana and the manicure and pedicure from Kayla, complete with jewels secured to the top of each finger, I decided it was time for my daring preschooler to chose her own nail color. No more of modest mom's pale pink or barely there beige...it was time for Marissa to assert her independence with her own nail color choice.
As we were perusing the choices, many more than I dreamed there would be, Marissa's gaze latched upon the brightest and darkest pink I've ever seen. "I want this one," she said.
"Oh," I replied, a bit of "Oh, boy!" detectable in my tone.
"I do. I want this one," she said.
By now a woman and her teenaged daughter giggled behind us and stated "You're in trouble."
We started talking about Marissa's personality and such and about how much more "boring" I was than her. Then, about how Jaime never wanted manicures and such, either. Then I saw Marissa put the nail polish back and reach for the palest pink shade within her reach. My heart seemed to fall to my knees.
I stopped teasing with the woman and her daughter, and knelt to Marissa's vision, our eyes gazing into each other. No one else mattered. "What are you doing?" I asked her.
"I want this one," she said.
"Because you think Mommy wants you to have this one?" I asked.
She nodded. I took the pale pink shade and put it back on the shelf, then plucked the chosen pink from the line below it. "Is this the one you really want?"
"I want to be like you," she said.
"I want you to be YOU," I said. I hugged her tightly, wishing I could pour my love into her, let her experience the joy I have in her just "being." "This is the one I want you to have," I said. "I love it. It will look so beautiful on you."
Her smile beamed as she took the polish. "I love it," she stated, the joy back in her voice.
My heart seemed to leap into the sky. My love for her and my respect for who Marissa "is" deepened even more. "I love everything about you," I told her, flashes of her boisterous personality and glee in living flashing like scenes in my mind. The ladies behind us discreetly backed away. I had forgotten they were there until they tried to become unknown.
"I don't want you any other way but who God made you to be," I told her. "You are special and I love you just the way you are."
I made sure she looked me in the eyes when I spoke the words to her, wanting her to feel my earnest words, the expression of my heart that cannot be expressed as deeply as I feel it.
I stood then, taking her hand and reaching up to the rows of polish. "What other color do you like?" I asked her.
"Another one?" she asked.
"Pick another one you really like. Not something you think I would like," I added.
Her eyes seemed to sparkle as she reached for a super dark purple.
"Okay," I said. "Let's get this one, too."
"That's enough. I don't need any more," she said.
I smiled. "I think you're right." But I added a sparkle glitter polish and a vial of pearly flowers to the counter. Just the items to top off the colors she chose from a four-and-a half year-old's desires.
Today a heart was restored with love and reassurance. My daughter felt that she is loved for herself, and our bond was strengthened. For I know that the love between a mother and her child can never be too strong.

Road Trip

2009-05-27T19:51:00.004-05:00

We really did have a good time when we were on the road. The trip could easily have been a disaster...those along for the ride were Marissa, me, my husband, and my in-laws. We all got along great and Marissa was SO good! You would never have guessed we had a 4 1/2 year-old with us.
This picture just cracks me up! This is what we looked like about halfway home. Can you tell how tired we were? But we had fun...and we were all getting along very well!

Cheers to Gymnastics

2009-05-26T18:57:00.005-05:00

We left home for Indiana over the Memorial weekend...and it felt GOOD! It wasn't that we knew we had to go, but now that we're home again, I can tell the trip was just what we needed. It felt great to get out of our routine "after Jaime" and just have fun with family. Here are a couple of videos of Marissa with her "cousin," Kayla (Mike's girlfriend), who was THE BEST with Marissa. Kayla is going to be a cheerleader at Ball State next year and worked with our little gymnast A LOT! I know Marissa had a great time...I think Kayla did, too!

Fine Work

2009-05-17T07:41:00.003-05:00

People always comment on Marissa's energy level.
We're used to it. In fact, I often praise God for the energy "in abundance" that He gave to her. One of the great things about her reserves of power, however, is that she can sit and focus at any time. She doesn't just go and go and go and go.
The photos show a picture that Marissa spent about a month working on. She kept it out on the table in the family room and when she felt like coloring on it, she worked until she wanted to play with something else, but always came back to it without being told to finish it. She wanted to focus on making it very pretty - down to color choices and skill. Marissa made the picture for Daddy to take to work and hang in his office.
I don't know who is most proud of the work...Marissa or Daddy.
But, I warn you. Don't go to Daddy's office at work and not expect to be shown the picture...and you'd better tell him it's very well done.

Who Carried Me Today?

2009-05-12T20:15:00.005-05:00

Life is so full of choices...each year we plan, each day we plan, sometimes down to the moment. While planning is good, our productiveness depends on what we plan, and on what we measure our success.
For several years of my life I have tried so hard to live intentionally. I've tried to look to God as the source of my contentment and joy, my life plans. But, I've never tried to live intentionally AND with an eternal perspective.
Not as deeply as I have since Jaime died.
Now life is so much more vivid. Colors are more intense, more striking. Words slice deeper. Love's roots have reached deeper and broadened more fully. Meaningless items are overlooked, my senses and spirit purer and more attuned to the eternal riches in store.
What a gift to be given and one I pray I do not squander.
Lord, keep me in step with your plans. Help me to be your child; help me to cry "Father" in every moment of my life journey. Let me look to you with the oneness you intended when I was created in your plan. Help me to be a gift and joy to others in my life.
Lord, help me to be the wife and help mate you intended me to be when you made my husband, then me, four months later.
Lord, let me be the mother my children need because of the special way you knitted them together with me in mind.
Who did I listen to today when your gentle spirit sang? Who did I listen to as I walked this world that I am in, but not of? Who will I listen to in my times of need or joy or distress tomorrow or the next day or next? Help it to always be You. Help me to make You recognizable when someone angers me or hurts me. Help me to seek You when I need You and when I think I don't. Help me to be an image of You.
I thought I tried to be this way before, Lord, but You have shown me that sometimes we only think we live before we lose someone so close to us, Lord. I know one of my dearest possessions is gone and forever with You, so my trust and faith are rooter deeper, spread out farther as I walk my faith each day and not just believe in your words and promises. I am being carried by You in them and it means so much more, Lord. So much more.
Life is more fragile now.
Please let it mean even more tomorrow. Let it mean even more the next day, and the next. Let each day that passes look faithless in comparison. Let each day please You.
I know I can't do it.
I know when I am in your arms You can do it.
I realize I was trying to walk with you before.
Now I just want to be carried.

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T19:45:00.006-05:00

Oh, The Suspense

2009-05-06T19:11:00.005-05:00

We ordered the green fans Marissa is dancing with from China Sprout. It only took a few days for the admired and WANTED fans to arrive, but Marissa could hardly wait for the UPS truck to arrive with the treasure! She truly spends about half of each day making up dances and performing for me, so when the fans finally arrived she was ESTATIC! Thank you, China Sprout, for making the dreams of this little dancer become reality.

Busy Brayden

2009-05-06T08:50:00.004-05:00

Look who was busy while we baked... Need I say more?

It's A Chocolate Day

2009-05-04T19:39:00.003-05:00

Okay, I admit it... I am NOT a chocolate fan. Don't send the wicked emails just yet. Am I redeemed since my daughter (actually BOTH my daughters) loves chocolate?
As fas as Marissa is concerned, it is a GREAT day when you get to eat chocolate...even better when Mama bakes a chocolate cake and you get to be the lucky beater licker. Whoa, what a title! Well, this post is for all who love to lick the beaters!

Pinkie Pie - A Girl's Best Friend

2009-05-03T12:44:00.003-05:00

We've written about Pinkie Pie before. This gorgeous, PINK cat (who loves to wear clothes) has been a part of Marissa's life since last October.
Any frustrations or big learning situations Marissa goes through also go through Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pie is like a younger sister; things can be blamed on her, but she also conveniently disappears if needed, and doesn't take too much time or attention. Yet, when you want someone to talk to or vent with, Pinkie Pie is back around in an instant.
Every little girl needs a Pinkie Pie. I'm glad our little girl has her for a sister/friend.

A Sister Honors Her Sister

2009-04-29T21:38:00.003-05:00

Last week Marissa saw a set of bracelets she liked at Kohl's. Three beaded bracelets were attached together for purchase.
We brought them home and decided the smallest would be Marissa's. Next, Mama got one. One was left. We decided it would have been Jaime's had she been with us.
Marissa said it wasn't too late and honored her sister by taking the bracelet to her bedroom to drape it over the picture of the two of them together. This photo sits on the table beside Marissa's bed. She also found a necklace she likes and draped it over the frame, too. She said that now Jaime had matching jewelery with us.
Jaime would have been touched. I know I was.

Attitude

2009-04-28T20:19:00.005-05:00

I love my daughter's attitude.

Another Bathtub Post

2009-04-25T17:16:00.006-05:00

Why is it that kids and art and baths just go together? At least they do at our house. The first letter Marissa wrote and the first self-portrait she ever drew were done in the bathtub! There was no way to keep the cherished artwork.
Last night in the bathtub Marissa drew on the tub wall and when I asked her why she was scribbling (I expected to hear that she just wanted to see the colors or something like that) she told me "I'm not scribbling."
"What is it?" I asked.
"This is the wind," she told me very seriously.
"I love it," I told her. And I really did. I know my daughter. I know her spirit. I understand her sensitivities.
I could feel the wind.
I'm so honored and blessed that she is here to blow the wind in my face and sing music to my ears.

Bath Fun

2009-04-20T19:48:00.003-05:00

I had a group of pictures from a few weeks ago that I never posted. This is one of them. I just thought Marissa looked so cute with this washcloth on her head while she bathed.
No, she hasn't been sitting in the bathtub too long, and the water isn't cold...the purple lip is from a mishap she had with the Leapster!! But don't worry...it's all healed now.

The Many Poses

2009-04-17T20:20:00.009-05:00

Marissa is always dancing and posing. It's just what she likes to do.

No, these photos are not unique. This is an everyday occurance (many times a day) as Marissa makes up new dances.

Think she was born to dance?

A Wonderful Day

2009-04-13T18:34:00.006-05:00

By Saturday night, Marissa was walking around the house saying "This was a wonderful day!" She had gone to an Easter egg hunt in the morning, got her playset assembled (after waiting several weeks) in the afternoon, went out for a chocolate dip cone, and colored Easter eggs all in one day. In the eyes and mind of a four and a half year old, the day was pretty fabulous and the only way it could have been improved would have been to spend even more time outside playing on the new playset!

"This was a wonderful day!"

Yes, it was, and even more so to have her in it.

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T19:33:00.012-05:00

He is risen!!
We are thankful.

Have A Good Day, Todd

2009-04-10T20:41:00.002-05:00

Since Marissa's friend, Todd likes to read her blog and see her videos, she made this short clip just for him at breakfast this morning. Enjoy, Todd! Thanks for being a "faithful blog follower."

Life On A Mountain

2009-04-09T09:25:00.002-05:00

Yesterday we were listening to "God On A Mountain" on the Lynda Randle CD (I think it's a Gaither's Gospel CD) in the car. You can check the song (and Lynda's beautiful voice) out on You Tube.
Marissa was singing most of the song, then stopped and remarked, "When Jaime died it was a valley day. Today is a mountain day."
She is right.
Life is full. We are thankful!

A Little Princess Pampering

2009-04-08T09:21:00.003-05:00

Marissa has always loved polished nails. On Monday, Mama had a hair appointment for a trim, so Marissa asked to have her hair brushed afterwards. Our stylist obliged and brushed and braided Marissa's lopsided pig tails (we had just finished at gymnastics).

Next, Marissa got her nails done. When the manicurist told me she'd only charge $5.00 for Marissa, it was a done deal. She's wanted her nails done at the salon for quite a while...ironic since Mama's never done it! After quickly choosing the hot pink nail shade, Marissa asked if it would be hot on her nails. The manicurist assured her it was only the shade name, not the temperature of the polish, and Marissa was ready to begin! Unfortunately, the photos don't show the true color, or the cute "sparkles" applied over the pink. A princess has to have sparkles on her nails.

Mama didn't have the camera, so these pictures were taken when we got home. You can also see that the salon treated our princess to a sucker, too. Life was exciting for our four and a half year old that afternoon!

Another Recital!

2009-04-05T18:18:00.005-05:00

As you know, Marissa loves to dance. Each time a recital comes along, she is more than ready to perform. Today we were at a community church where they hosted an International Fair. Miss Lily's dancers were among the chosen performers.
Today the girls performed the bee dance, the butterfly dance, the umbrella dance, and the ribbon dance. Since the bee dance is always a favorite, I'll post that one. If you have a preference and want to see one of the others, let us know!
P.S. Marissa starts out fourth from the left, then is first on the left after the swarm moves.

Let's Skate!

2009-04-04T19:45:00.018-05:00

Anyone who has read this blog for a while knows that Marissa had a skating party on her fourth birthday...well, today her good friend, Zoe had a skating party for her fifth birthday! Yea!! More skating!

Marissa had so much fun...and guess what? This time she skated all by herself. Mama and Daddy watched from the sidelines. On the way to the skating rink we were discussing which of us was going to skate with her this time when Marissa announced that neither one of us needed to. She wanted to skate alone like a big girl.

Wipe the tears from our eyes. Our baby is growing up!

Peter Pan

2009-04-03T18:23:00.005-05:00

"I'm Flying!" This morning Marissa and Mommy joined friends at the Culture House production of "Peter Pan."

This was Marissa's first exposure to a full play and she loved it. Though not spellbound enough to stay glued to her seat, since she was able to go between sitting on Mommy's lap, sitting on her own chair, and standing next to a friend, she loved seeing the show.

Tinkerbell was definitely her favorite character, and the young girl playing her did a fabulous job. Marissa decided she would be the next Tinkerbell cast for the production and wanted Mommy to go out and get a costume today! Thankfully, I was able to stall that purchase for a while.

Marissa also got pictures taken with Peter Pan (who also did a great job and has a fabulous voice), Nana (the dog), and the crocodile. All the kids were awesome in their roles and so polite to all of us who came to watch their talents.

It was a morning well spent!

Being Four and A Half Is Fun...especially when the weather's good!

2009-03-30T16:28:00.006-05:00

It's so fun to be four (and a half) on a nice day! You can write with chalk..."Hi Daddy" and greet Daddy when he comes home from work.

Collecting rocks is great fun too...and you have to have a box to put them in. Some rocks are speckled, some sparkly, some smooth, and some rough. They are all unique and fun to collect! Don't ask me what I'm going to do with them. I just want to put them in a box and add more on another day. Every little girl, or boy, needs a rock collection!

Just Hanging Around

2009-03-28T17:31:00.003-05:00

Sometimes it's good to just stay home and watch snow fall. You can play games, read, play with Play-Doh, paint...oh, wait...we do all that every day!

School Time

2009-03-27T18:15:00.004-05:00

We love homeschooling. We don't know how long Marissa will learn at home, but it works right now, so we'll keep going with it! I just love looking at her in her little school desk (present from Uncle Fred).

With her late September birthday, she's actually another year out of kindergarten, but it's a great opportunity to get our homeschool schedule down. We've been consistent for over a year now and we're not tired of each other yet...

It's Our Day

2009-03-26T06:39:00.010-05:00

Grief is silent. Yet, sometimes you know it's lurking, ready to pounce before your counter-attack is in place. Sometimes, you are ready and it doesn't come.

I've been ready for the pain of loss all week. Today is your birthday, Jaime.

The days leading up to this one have been terribly hard at moments. The grief would come when I didn't even know I thinking of you. I knew today would be full of thoughts of you, and I thought I would wake up crying, maybe soak my pillow with fresh, warm tears that would cleanse me and bring me close to you for a short time, then allow me to conduct my day without fear of the silent attack that can close my throat so words cannot escape, because the pain of never seeing you again is so great.

But, although I awakened early, and of course my thoughts were on you, there were surprisingly no tears. I received a birthday gift, though. I smelled you again. It was fast, gone in an instant, and not as strong as the day before you died, but it was real and even though I've only been awake now for almost two hours, I've smelled you three times this morning.

Because I keep smelling you, you feel very close. God is giving me this gift.

Now the tears are coming.

Jaime, I say it is our day because, as all mothers know, it may be your birthday, but it was my "birth" day. Birthdays of my children are always full of such precious memories for me, memories that bind us, made us, and in some ways define us forever. Today I know that I will always be "Jaime's mom."

I found a poem the other day that I want to post. It was written by me at 17 years old, when I was pregnant with you. I was so scared and had so many questions, but I knew I wanted you and that you would be a precious gift that I couldn't even begin to comprehend yet. I was right.

Although you are young,

so very young that the human eye

has not yet caught sight of you

and your survival depends on

My body, mind, and soul

I can already begin to imagine the changes

my life will soon go through

You, so small, delicate, and helpless

A fragile piece of my loved one and myself

Are already felt inside of me

Stirring, kicking, yearning to be free

To become the independent person

You will someday be

Each time you move

The love I feel for you grows stronger

And stronger

Yet you, so small

so totally helpless,

totally harmless to anyone or anything,

scare me more than anything

I've ever imagined

I want only the very best for you

To be strong, healthy, and normal

For what else could I wish

For a part of myself

and the person I love the most

Who joined with me to create you,

A truly spectacular miracle

in small form

When you arrive

we will continue to band together

To help each other become

stronger day by day

For you will teach us

About life, all over again

Hopefully someday

We will make you proud

As you will make us,

On the day you are born

And placed in our arms.

Jaime Kay, you were always proud of the relationship your dad and I have. We were always proud of you. You were "our girl." Your memory will always be part of everything our family is, and does, now and in the future.

The poem was written by me, but it sure feels like I was a different person. It was so long ago, and yet, seems like just a few days ago. It's not a literary piece by any means, but was introspective and real and helped me feel closer to you, just as writing this piece for you does now.

I love you.

Smile, Jaime, smile. Walk with Jesus today and let Him tell you of the love we still have for you. Let Him tell you of His love and plans for you now. "He knows the plans He has for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." I don't believe that the Lord's plans finish when we die, Jaime. In many ways they are just beginning. I know His plans are greater and more fulfilling than any we ever had for you. You're free to fly now, to soar! Happy Birthday, Pretty Girl!!

More Reflections

2009-03-25T13:40:00.004-05:00

Marissa is really on a Mulan Reflections kick! Here she is again as she reflects in our bathroom. By the way, every time she doesn't look at the camera, she is looking in the bathroom mirrors at herself.

Decorating For Easter

2009-03-24T13:43:00.004-05:00

What fun it is to decorate for Easter when you are four and a half!

Today I'm Four and a Half!

2009-03-23T20:33:00.003-05:00

Marissa is the youngest of most of her friends, so it makes sense that she has been WAITING for the "four and a half" mark to hit. Well...today is the day!! She's officially four and a half years old today!! Almost everyone we saw today heard the news...mostly people she's never met before, who shared the joy! Now you can, too.

"Reflections" by Mulan...I mean Marissa

2009-03-20T19:49:00.004-05:00

Here is our little camera ham singing "Reflections" from the movie, "Mulan." This isn't even the most expressive she's made it. This version is actually toned down.

Such A Helper

2009-03-20T09:35:00.004-05:00

I truly have never had a child love to help as much as Marissa does! I'm not naive enough to think it will last, however... Just as I said with the post on doing dishes, I'll take the help while I can get it. Marissa mops so well that I don't even "redo" what she has mopped. Each week she mops under the kitchen table (It's a lot easier for her than me) and she mops the entryway, too. What a great helper she is, and as you can see, she works with a smile.

The Pain and Joy of Memories

2009-03-17T21:13:00.007-05:00

Memories were thick as I walked the land at your grandparents today. Oh, Jaime, we spent so much time there when you were a little girl. Everywhere I looked I saw, felt, and mourned for you.

There was your bridge...the joy you felt when Grandpa built it and made the engraved wooden sign with your name hanging by it; the garden...the way you helped Grandpa plant potatoes when you were about Marissa's age and he turned around to watch you follow behind him, throwing all the potatoes in the air like a juggler; the shed...the fun you had when Uncle Randy's dog had puppies; the tractors...how you loved to "drive" them with Grandpa. Oh, Jaime, you are so loved. Our love covered you as you grew; His love covers you now.

I wish I could hold you one more time...I want to hear you tease "You're choking me" when you hug me, I wish I could hear your voice saying "I love you, little Mama," I wish I could come across one of the notes you used to leave for me to find telling me how special I was and how much you loved me. I want to laugh with you and play around, saying dumb jokes no one else would get but us... I miss you.

Jesus really does cover me with His love, His comfort, His supernatural presence...and I am SO thankful. But I know He is allowing me to grieve right now. I know He understands and will get me through. Because even Jesus wept...and He's holding my tears in His scarred hands. I love you, Jaime. I love you, Jesus. Thank you for the time we had with her.

Dance Practice

2009-03-15T15:49:00.007-05:00

Here is a snapshot of Marissa at dance class. Also included this time is a video of Marissa hard at work...before dance class begins the girls do their "foundation training," (their abs and stretches). Marissa usually doesn't look this serious, but with the camera ready, she showed that she was deep in thought and training hard. Actually, it stuns me to see our girls doing abs. I felt like we (the adults) should all be on the floor working out with them. Maybe one day Miss Lily will turn the tables on us and make us join them...I hope not! I think the girls do much better than we could. By the way, I'm dedicating this blog entry to Marissa's friend, Todd. He wanted to see more Marissa videos, so here you go!

Yes, She's Mine and I Love Her Fiercely!

2009-03-13T17:31:00.007-05:00

I love to talk about adoption; I love encouraging mothers to follow the stirring in their heart to add another child to their family, the one that grew in their heart, instead of their womb. As a mother to three, two biological and one adopted, I know there is NO difference in the love felt toward each child. There is not one of them I wouldn't die for, not one I love any less than the others.
I guess that's why as Marissa grows older, I am getting less patient, less tolerant of strangers stopping me at the store and asking ignorant questions in front of my daughter. My daughter is a person, and although she's as cute as a poster child, she isn't one, isn't a mannequin, isn't a mindless twit who can't understand a word they're saying. My daughter is a very intelligent and sensitive person, which of course makes her accutely aware of what is happening around her. She is a child shaping the image she holds of herself and the world at each moment.
When someone approaches us at the store and wants to know if she is adopted, I want to know if it is any of their business. I think in the future any ignorant person (realize I stated ignorant)who dares to ask me this type of question in front of Marissa will get the first response that dares roll off my tongue.
Last week a saleslady at Dillards asked if Marissa was my daughter. When I told her "yes," she gave an expression of surprise and stated that she must look like her father. The ignorance and total lack of tact is what really got me, but the more I thought about it, I really was appalled that people have to even ask or state stupid comments. Marissa listened intently as the woman continued. I have to add that I realize that she also listens just as intently to what and how I answer. When the woman commented that she must look like her father, I just smiled. Later, she said other things I found just as annoying, and also added with a questioning and confused look before we left, that Marissa had an "almost asian" look to her.
For those who may be reading and do not know me, I usually love to talk to people, love to meet strangers, but I think it's time to realize that Marissa has heard me explain her story many times, not only to her, but strangers, friends, family, etc..... She realizes nosy and ignorant people when she sees them, too. Part of teaching her, liberating her to be comfortable in her own skin and family includes her learning that she doesn't have to tell her story to everyone either. The day will come when she will be the one people ask and she needs to know that we don't have to discuss her life with everyone or anyone who has a curiosity - ignorant or not. Maybe someday when someone asks us something we don't want to answer we can ask them if they were born vaginally or C-section. Or maybe we can ask something else that isn't our business.

Polly Pockets - A Girl's Best Friend

2009-03-02T19:19:00.006-06:00

Welcome to Polly and Marissa's world. That is Polly...as in Polly Pockets.

For the last few months or so, Marissa has been heavy into Polly Pockets. To tell the truth (I never would have guessed this), Polly Pockets was actually good therapy for both of us after Jaime died.

Many of Marissa's conerns and thoughts have come out while engrossed in the world of Polly, as her dolls voiced fears and thoughts rolling around in her mind. Mama's dolls got to answer and counsel Marissa's.

Through the stressful days immediately following Jaime's death, Marissa's world was not normal. We did as much as we could to keep a structure and give her attention, but her little world was severely changed. There were many days the first week that I had promised her we would play and we sometimes ended up in the playroom at 9:30 at night to do it. But, with all the free counseling these little dolls bring, I'm all for Polly Pockets. We still play almost daily. Welcome to our miniature world!

Thank Goodness For Daddy

2009-02-28T14:04:00.000-06:00

I really don't like snow.

I've nothing against the beauty of snow; it's actually gorgeous when I'm inside looking outside at it. Add a deer or some rabbits and I feel like I'm in an icy wonderland.

But don't make me go out in it. I don't do "cold."

Marissa, on the other hand, loves it! She's so fortunate to have such an excellent daddy. He took her out to play in the icy beauty today. There were many snowballs flying, a little sledding, some snow angels, and a lot of smiles.

Thank goodness for Daddy.

Joy Continues

2009-02-26T09:24:00.000-06:00

Today I wanted to post two pictures that capture the vibrancy God wove into the personalities of our girls. Each of them is so unique; just as we all are. For God has made us to be special for the purposes He has set for us in this world.
So many people have been praying for us. Thank you for ALL your prayers. God is holding us close to Himself, for He is close to the broken-hearted.
In one of our older posts (maybe 1/6 or so) I wrote about joy. I want to testify that joy does continue. Our joy through the Lord cannot be stripped away. Our hearts are battered, our joy is intact. God has shown us His face in that what we believed by faith before with our whole hearts has become flesh. God is faithful and everything in His word is true. He carries you with a supernatural strength and power that can only come from His hands. His care to us is as personal as he has made each of us unique. He alone knows our intimate needs and administers just what we need to get through the pain, but no more, lest we rely on ourselves and our own strength.
Believe, believe. If you never have, let yourself surrender to the peace of the Lord, the strength that comes only from Him. The tender mercies that are indeed, new every morning, and make me want to get up and see what He has in store, even through this sad season of my life. For I am still joyful and He is where I find my strength, and am sustained, and can laugh and play, and live and see all that God still has to offer. For there is much, and I am thankful.

How Do You Start This Thing?

2009-02-23T18:34:00.000-06:00

One of the things that was so memorable when my girls got together was the way Jaime saw herself in Marissa. Actually, Marissa is such a blend of Jaime and Brandon that they are both able to see themselves in her quite clearly. The fact that my girls were alike in many ways made their outings a joy. They were able to connect quickly and really laugh together. Like the time at the zoo last summer when Marissa grabbed Jaime's hand, "Jaime there's the meerkats!" as they ran ahead of us, both excited to see one of their favorite animals. On that same trip Marissa gained Jaime's respect - twice. Both involved bugs or spiders, which Jaime has never liked! At the zoo Marissa held a giant cockroach - while Jaime watched, fascinated. At the park the next day while the girls were playing, Marissa cleared a spider off a riding toy (squashed it and then flicked it off with her hand) so that Jaime could sit on it. Jaime was clearly impressed!
I like this picture of them because they're both thinkers, and it looks like they are discussing ways to get the boat started so they can take off on a ride together. Each time they saw each other was an adventure of memories.

Back By Popular Demand

2009-02-21T13:04:00.000-06:00

People loved Marissa's Bee Dance video, so...here's another dance, this time showcasing the Umbrella Dance. Our videographer (daddy) didn't pan out to get everyone dancing, so you'll mostly see Marissa. Enjoy!

I also added our star before the show, the curtain call, and a group photo after the show. No autographs, please.

Sweet Revenge

2009-02-14T19:41:00.000-06:00

Brayden, Marissa's nephew is such a rolly ball of fun! He adores Marissa, but at 8 months old now, his personality is starting to emerge more clearly. No longer content to just sit and watch, he's finally old enough to start making his desires known. Still most content to watch Marissa more than anyone else, you can tell he is beginning to want to do what she does, too. Although he is soooo sweet and has a happy personality, he's getting spoiled too, and wants to make sure he gets noticed. We're happy to oblige!

Life

2009-02-13T12:38:00.001-06:00

I've always thought and questioned a lot of things. Of course, now I'm pondering more the ways of life. Life is about God. During the life He gives us, we have and make choices that reflect who and what we believe and who and what we serve. About a month before Jaime died, we had this conversation again. But this time she was open and really listening.
The life highlight I ponder today is something that amazes me as a mother, yet is so easy when I consider it from God's viewpoint. How is it that at the highlight moments of my daughter's lives I could live completely oblivious to the drama unfolding? At the time of Marissa's birth I was halfway across the world while a woman I've never met pushed my daughter into this world. Did she comfort her as I would have? Did she regret that their time together was short? Were there tears as she prepared to place her for me to love? Yes, someone else carried her in their body, but God created her, and when He did He knew she would come to me. But I had no "aha" moment, no epiphany that this was the time when she arrived in this world.
Of course I was there when Jaime was born, but when she drew her last breath I was hours away doing a Bible Study and waiting for Marissa to awaken. Why didn't my body draw it's own gasp as her final one exhaled? How did I continue to live without my heartbeat at least skipping to dramatize the loss occuring? Oh, we think we're connected in special ways on this earth, but the truth is we are really only connected spiritually to one being - our Lord.
Yet, the way God prepares us for events in our lives is what really astounds me. His love to us is so personal. I'm sure that when Marissa was born I had events going on around me that I would find astounding if I could look back now. For I know the way my Father prepared me to lose Jaime. I'll list only one of them here. The day before she died He allowed me to smell her. It wasn't her perfume. It was her. Every mother knows the scent of her child. This was pure Jaime, and so strong, like the scent overtook the room. In that instant I knew I was going to lose her. I even wondered if she was already gone. I even spoke out loud, questioning God. "why am I smelling Jaime? Am I going to lose her?" Why is it that in our fragile human state we selfishly hold on to things, to people? Why couldn't I have asked God if He was calling her home because it was His turn to turn her life into something I can't even begin to imagine the splendour of? I just know that I thank God for loving us all enough to show the mercy He does, enough to love us despite all of our failings. Through Jaime's death I have seen the best and the worst of people. The best of people have shown love and compassion, although they might not fully understand the depth of the grief we face. The worst of people have stooped so low as to criticize the memorial service we held for our daughter and repeated rumors although they have no idea as to what the truth is. But I have realized it is not my duty to tell them. It is my duty to continue to love them. For Jesus interferred once and for all. It's not up to us to retaliate or plead or whatever. It is up to us to forgive and love, just as He has done for us; every single one of us, whether we accept it or not. How do we think we deserve better than our own Lord received?
Life is a gift. Whether we live 1 minute or 100 years our life served a purpose(s) only God fully knows and His standard of measure is so much more sophisticated and simpler than ours. May we all live to learn His ways and truly pass them to others while we can. It not only honors our Lord, but those who lived and those who still do. We thank God for all of them.

Little Bowler

2009-02-12T10:13:00.000-06:00

Marissa loves action. One way she express this is through bowling.

Am I terrible mother to admit that it is just so cute to watch her struggle with that huge bowling ball, then see her sling it down the lane? She has such energy and excitement that you can't help but have a great time, even if you spent the whole time just watching her.

Life Keeps Moving On

2009-02-11T19:21:00.000-06:00

It has been so hard for me to write on this blog. So many times I want to just sit and pour my heart out to Jaime...so if I do, please forgive me. But, I know people may tire of me, so I want to at least post some pictures of Marissa at one of the dress rehearsals last week at the Nelson. She takes after Jaime with her love of performing. Jaime would have been so proud of her little sister! Both my girls love to pose when a camera is within sight. Carry on your sister's tradition, Marissa...carry on.

Mei Mei (Little Sister) at the Nelson

2009-02-02T13:03:00.000-06:00

Next Saturday Marissa is supposed to dance at the Nelson Atkins Museum in a Chinese New Year celebration. Jaime really had wanted to watch Marissa perform. We had practice this past weekend. Here are some of the fun highlights from just one of the dances. Jaime, this one's for you...

A Time For Everything

2009-01-25T17:07:00.000-06:00

Friday, January 30, 2009 - Jaime, today we had our final ceremony for you...your burial. Everything has been so stretched out...it has been a long couple of weeks. Pain, heartache, loss, sorrow...we've walked through it all, and are still mourning our loss. Our hearts are scarred; we will be forever changed. Life will never taste the same, look the same, smell the same, or feel the same. But we also share happy memories...remembering your smile, your wit and humor, the way you can speak any accent and impersonate anyone perfectly...Jaime, you were a true jewel to know and love. Thankfully, we have the joy in knowing you are at rest in the Lord's arms. God knows we will never stop missing you, yearning to see you again, hear your voice, look into your eyes. But through this, I can surely testify that God is true and real. What I believed by faith about Him before is now lived and breathed daily as He sustains me and cradles me close to His chest while He comforts me through the terribly hard times of missing my first-born. God truly has a supernatural power that is felt in His strength. He never gives more than we need, lest we rely on our own strength. But when you ask God to sustain you, to draw near, to get you through, He is there in an incredibly perfect way that carries you through the pain and cradles you close to His heart. For He knows what we are enduring. He has been there with His only Son. It is our duty to tell others what God can do - what He IS doing for us. Jaime, we've always been connected in an amazing, spirit-filled way. When you were in my womb, I knew you were a girl...a blonde-haired daughter to love. When we almost lost you at a few days old, the fear I felt at seeing and holding you (I was only 18 and had never held a newborn) was erased as I prayed earnestly for God to save you and let me love you. The nurses patiently taught me how to hold you, feed you, burp you, and as I visited you every day I felt my confidence rise so that when we were able to take you home, I was ready. Jaime, for most of your life you were my shadow...we were always together. Our relationship was so special, not the typical mother-daughter one. YOU were special. We were so alike...and so different. But after your daddy, you were my best friend and I knew I was yours. As an adult, you struggled to find your own way and we suffered many growing pains from your search, but we had made it back to each other and I knew our relationship would become stronger for it. But God had other plans. As His word says, For there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under Heaven. A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace... Oh, God, thank you for the time we had to know and love Jaime, the time to dance with her, to grow and discover with her. God, thank you for sending your daughter to us to love. Jaime, it is our time to weep, it is your turn to laugh, it is our time to mourn, but it is your time to dance...

This Is How We Go On

2009-01-20T23:01:00.001-06:00

For those who don't know, we lost our precious daughter, Jaime - Marissa's cherished sister Monday. Jaime passed away and will always remain "forever young." People are asking how we are doing...how are we moving forward. It is purely the grace of God. He is wrapping us in a supernatural comfort that passes understanding. But, oh, God...how we miss her. I want my daughter back! Children are never supposed to go before their parents! But we live in a broken world. We are comforted by the truth that we all have an appointed time to pass from this world...we just grieve that this was Jaime's time. Our precious Jaime. The loving, strong relationship between my girls is no more. I grieve not only for the loss of my daughter, my first born, but for the end of the sisterly bond that was such a sweet part of my life. I grieve for Marissa and what she has lost...playmate, coach, friend, confidant...everything a sister is and can be was packed into the short time my girls shared. Oh, God, please let Marissa remember her sister. Jaime, my Jaime Girl, we MISS you SO much!! I want a Jaime-hug. I want to see your "light-up-a-room" smile, I want to hear your voice. I want to kiss you. I want you here...but I know you are in a perfect place now. I know God has already been glorified in your death, but that's a testimony for another time... Jaime, I know you know how cherished you are. I know you know how your little sister looked up to you. I know you were one of the biggest blessings in our lives. I know you are in a better place. Fly, Jaime, in a way you never could have in this imperfect world. Give Jesus a hug for me. Give Him a hug for Marissa. Tell Him we trust Him to care for you in a way that couldn't be done here. Now you have no more clotting disorder to cause you pain. You are FREE. Oh, Jaime...my Jaime...our Jaime...His Jaime.

Body Intrigue

2009-01-19T08:44:00.000-06:00

For several months, Marissa has been incredibly intrigued, on a mission really, to learn about the human body. Almost daily, we visit You Tube (with VERY strict monitors) to see videos about babies in the womb, human bone formation, blood flow in the body...you get the picture. The interest only deepens, so last week when we were at Costco, Marissa saw "The Human Body Book" while we were browsing an aisle. She didn't beg or ask to buy the book, but was SO interested in seeing it that I told her she could carry it in the cart and read it while I shopped. She LOVED that huge book. As she looked at it, she kept expressing delight at the pictures and asking what everything was. She was breathing almost shallowly with joy! Well, of course, I bought it to much excitement! She reads it daily (several times a day) and asks so many questions. She can tell you basics about blood cells, babies in the womb, etc. She has asked to take "bone classes" and when she found out there aren't any, she says she will go to medical school (need a roommate, Kelli?), but she doesn't want to be a doctor. She says she just wants to LEARN about the body! She is such a joy!

Through The Eyes of A 4-Year Old

2009-01-08T18:15:00.000-06:00

I love being an older mom! I really do. Things that used to matter don't bother me at all. Things that didn't seem like such a big deal before matter a whole lot more now.

While walking through the entryway earlier I saw something on the light switch. I looked closer and saw that the object was a beaded "Hello Kitty" ring. It was wrapped around the little light switch like a Christmas tree decoration. I left it alone. When Marissa's grown and there's no longer "reminders" of her through the house, I'll miss these sweet gestures of childhood. I know. I've been there, remember? Her brother and sister are grown and gone. She allows me to remember their childhoods again while basking in hers.

The photos on the blog are photos Marissa takes randomly in a day. Although these aren't the best of her photographs because Mom's too lazy to download more pictures...okay, that's not really true...Mom's never learned to do it and she doesn't want to bother Daddy right now. Anyway, the point is, I love looking at what she deemed important enough to keep in print. In her case, what this child of the new century, has deemed important enough to grace the digital photo file in her camera.

Enjoy...and look at the photos through the eyes and mind of a four-year-old. By the way, the fuzzy photo was Marissa experimenting with her fingers.

Joy In Life

2009-01-06T10:28:00.000-06:00

Everyone wants joy. I watched a few minutes of Oprah yesterday and even she was speaking of joy that was missing in her life. Joy is something we can't put our finger on when we try to describe it, yet we know it when we have it. We can be happy without joy, but we cannot be joyful without being happy.
Marissa is such a joyful child. I pray that joy will stay with her, that she will allow it and feel it, live it fully as an adolescent and adult. I know joy is not complete without Jesus Christ behind it. I've lived life with me in charge, and I never want to go back to "Terri in charge." I want that same joy with Jesus for Marissa. She lives it now. I pray we lead her in this life to live it always. May her light keep shining for Jesus. May we all.

Happy New Year!!

2009-01-01T18:00:00.001-06:00

While Marissa was busy entertaining herself, just singing away as I worked in the kitchen (preoccupied with cooking) she finally caught my attention. I finally not only heard her words, but actually processed what she was saying, then ran for the camera. I had to get video of the beautiful song she composed. Okay, I'm not suggesting anyone should offer her a contract or anything...but all mothers will appreciate the lyrics. By the way, Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T20:04:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas to all!! We spent a beautiful and blessed day with family, so grateful for all God's blessings and His gift to us, Jesus.

Our Little Angel

2008-12-24T10:01:00.001-06:00

Sunday was the preschool Christmas program. What do you know...our girl was cast as the angel of the program! Two family members...I won't name names, but of course it wasn't mama or daddy...teasingly said Marissa was miscast. :) It was a cute program. This age is so unpredictable. Many of the kids were more interested in watching the audience than performing. Marissa's favorite part was doing multiple spontaneous curtsies to the audience afterwards!

Let's Party (Four Year Old Style)

2008-12-22T09:30:00.000-06:00

Saturday Marissa went to her friend, Kylee's fourth birthday party! Kylee's mommy, Jen is a friend of mine and it is such a blessing to have girls the same age to help keep us connected. It's also very sweet to see them developing a friendship of their own. Kylee was a gracious hostess at Custard's Last Stand and Marissa was a thankful party attendee. She enjoyed ice cream, cake, candy, and even helping Kylee open presents! Oh, and can't forget the pin the tiara on the princess game! But sadly, neither girl won. The winner was...a boy!

Gingerbread...I mean, Graham Cracker House

2008-12-19T09:11:00.000-06:00

Marissa and I were SO excited to decorate our gingerbread house this year. Last year we had fun, but felt a bit cheated because we decorated graham crackers instead of a real gingerbread house. So, months ago we found a great pre-baked gingerbread house decorating kit. The walls and roof were already baked AND the kit contained the decorations and icing. Viola! We had it made!! Well, we held onto that kit for months, knowing that when the time was right we'd snuggle together and go to the kitchen to build and decorate the perfect gingerbread house! We did it last weekend, only right before we were to build the house, and in the midst of her excitement, Marissa accidentally dropped the kit on the kitchen hardwood floor. The roof broke apart, but everything else looked okay. Not to be dissuaded, we bravely forged ahead. But I have to tell you, the icing in the kit was the pits. Combine that with the broken roof and our house just DID NOT want to stay together. After fighting sagging walls and horrible "cement," I let Marissa eat part of the house and decorations. We let our crumbling house sit around the kitchen all weekend, then tossed it when we gathered trash Sunday night.

So, this week at the grocery store, we bought fresh graham crackers and decorations and went back to what we know...a Christmas graham cracker house!! I must say, it's not the prettiest we've done, but we sure had a blast doing it. Marissa gets to taste all the pieces before they are placed (she's a great QC girl) and she pre-approves any decorating we do. All in all, I'm sure we'll see what next year brings, but we just might have to stick with the graham crackers. We can only go up from there.